The Standard of a Man

All Documents are below.

From the moment that my wife and I found out that we were going to have a son the rest of my week became a mix of emotions. The first emotion that swept through was excitement. I have always wanted a son and the thought of having my oldest be a boy has always been a dream of mine. (Not that I wouldn’t have loved a little girl, but you know what I mean.) Shortly thereafter, the excitement was replaced with the thoughts of what it takes for me to teach my son to be a man. How do I help him become more than a grown up male? How do I teach him to become a Real Man?

Along the way, as I ran down this thought, I realized I did not have a great idea for my self and began taking to heart the things that I was learning as they played out in my own life. It was sobering for me. I would like to share with you a few of the assumptions that were underlying for me and the results of my thought process with you in hopes that it might be useful to other fathers.

A Few Conclusions

1. My Son will not always want to talk to me. I have this dream that my son will always talk to me, but instead of wishing that be the case I figure that it would serve me better to assume that there will be a time when this will not be the case. It was for me. I am just going to plan on it.
2. Structure provides a place for awkward conversations. I am speaking of those talks that most parents dread. Sex, masturbation, drugs, drinking, etc. I am not addressing those right now but as you will see I am setting up a context that those conversations fit into. If they fall within the structure I believe that my son will better understand how those decisions relate to the rest of his life.
3. Numbers are essential. I am referring to the community of men that I ask to be involved in my son’s life, what I call the “Enlistment of Service”. This is important for three reasons: I want to place before my son role models that he can watch throughout his life, I want him to have men he knows are invested in him that he can ask for counsel and when he becomes a man I want him to be among Men. This last one is not to say that being able to stand next to your dad as a man is not powerful but a community of men, I believe, is even more powerful.
4. What I place before my son to pursue, I must pursue with him. I have tried to figure out how to illustrate for my son that this is something that we are both pursuing. I choose to do this by framing the definition of a real man twice. One goes in his bedroom next to his bed and the other next to my side of my bed. My hope is that he grows up seeing them and I can show him that we are both pursuing the same thing.
5. My son needs me to be proactive. I know that there are men who are true men and never had a father who taught them this stuff but I believe that my son has a greater chance of learning this at an earlier time if I intentionally teach him then if I leave it to the world. I do not trust the world, I want him to learn the truth and I believe, as his father, that is my responsibility.

Downloadable Documents

Below are the files I put together from what I did for my son. I have had a few others ask me for this stuff and so I am making it available. Please feel free to read it through and adjust some aspects of it to fit what w you want to do with your son. I have tried to explain my thought process but if you have any questions please do not hesitate to let me know. I hope that these are helpful to you. If any of you takes things to the next level please let me know. I would love to learn from what you put together.

The Standard of a Man E-Book. This is the E-Book version of what I gave to my son just jazzed up a bit for your eyes as read through it. Download it HERE.

The Standard of a Man Gift Book. This version is the same content as the E-Book but in an 11 x 8 1/2 PDF. This is the actual one that I printed out and gave to my son. Download it HERE.

Development Guide. This is a great resource for anyone looking to do this with their son. Before each section of the content I added some information that will help explain where my head was as I was putting that particular section together. I think this is most likely the most valuable piece for many fathers. There is a lot of helpful information throughout it that will help tie the pieces together. Download it HERE.

*For each of the following documents there are two versions. The content is the same, the only difference is that one is WHITE so that you could print it on a cool paper while the other has all the cool stuff built into the image in the PDF, we will call this one the OLD one. Take a look, you will see what I mean.*

One-Pagers that might be useful to you.

 

 

Full Page Definition. This is the page that I mentioned before. I printed this out, cut it down a bit, and framed it in an 8×10 frame. I put one next to my sons bed and one next to mine. I hope it will help remind us both to live accordingly and help him see that I am pursuing this same definition.   WHITE OLD

Code of Conduct Page. This is a one page printout of the characteristics contained in the code of conduct. I am currently not using this but may in the future as my son grows.  WHITE OLD

Transcendent Cause Page. This is a quick summary of the main points that play out in what I have chosen to live for and what I am going put before my son. I will be using this for sure in the future. Feel Free to use it.    WHITE OLD

Love for a Woman Page. Notice it the love for a woman not of a woman. That is crucial. A summary of the section in the main document on one page. Be creative, it could be used in a ton of ways.     WHITE OLD

Meaning of the Standard Page. This is a quick explanation of the crest that is on the cover of and throughout the document. It is the same content that is at the end of the other documents just in a separate file. I have thought about framing the crest in the future with this by its side in a double 8×10 frame. Just a thought.    WHITE OLD

Enlistment of Service Contract. This is that single page in a separate document. I used this to print multiple copies and handed them to 8 men that make up the community of men around my son. This is the most significant file of the one page documents. There is room at the bottom for a personal note as well if anyone should desire it. WHITE OLD

Ceremony Worksheet. In the document I listed 5 ceremonies that I want to use as my son grows up. I understand that not all fathers will use the same 5 or may use more. I prepared a simple worksheet that might help as you work through what those ceremonies are and how they will go. I choose five major ones, but there will be numerous smaller events, this worksheet contains what I considered to be the basic framework to make it happen.   WHITE OLD

Thank You!

I am convinced that if I am able to pull even a portion of this off in my son’s life, I will make a huge impact in his future. If anyone else might be able to benefit from what I have been learning that they would be able to. I am still learning however and if anyone would like to interact with this to make it better I would welcome it greatly.

Thank you for the opportunity to invest in you as well as your family. If you make any adjustments to what I have put forward and would like to share them with the rest of the fathers who interact here, please let me know.